...today doug asked me when i was going to blog again and i gave him the same excuse i've been giving myself for weeks. i answered truthfully that i've been working hard to potty train my 2 year old, damon, but now that he has succeeded in keeping his "chonies" dry....i sat down to blog and realized that if i was completely honest with myself (& my blog readers), something was still holding me back from writing. i have so many things to be happy about...damon is potty trained 2 1/2 months before we add a third child & more diapers to our family, i have a kind a gentle husband that puts up with my 3rd trimester hormones, my children make me laugh everyday, our daughter is growing inside her mommy's womb instead of fighting for each breath in a hospital nursery-every day i thank God for protecting her! the truth is that i'm having trouble staying focused on the happy stuff and i really have to let my guard down to write about anything else because i've always been a happy person(vs depressive) but i have to admit that i do struggle having faith in the unknown, aka anxiety! it is unknown if my husband will still be employed at the end of this month--i worry how this will affect him because he has put so much time and energy into making the business succeed. it is unknown how God will provide for our growing family financially--i worry that we will not have enough $$ to pay our bills each month. it is unknown if our baby girl will be able to grow safely in my womb to full term because the pregnancy has caused my blood pressure to rise very early on--i worry that all this stress will cause my health to worsen and at the same time i feel such a great responsibility to protect her inside of me. i feel as if i need to keep up an act for my family that i have faith no matter what the circumstances when really i know i need to seek & trust God more than i am. looking back at what i just wrote, this would be my prayer--please God hear my cry for help and protection for my family, take all of these unknowns from me and complete your will in me so that i would learn to trust completely in you. amen
posted by Tera @ 4:22 PM
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