much ado about nothing
To love another person is to see the face of God. --Les Miserables
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
...today my four year old asked excitedly, "mommy, does the Trick or Treat man have to hide my Easter eggs?"
Thursday, September 20, 2007
...i read somewhere that if one is disciplined enough to stick to their workout routine, that person would eventually learn to love mornings. i admit that i do love to exercise any chance i get. i have a morning workout routine and have stuck to it for over two years--i would say it is a permanent part of my lifestyle. i love the benefits of working out in the morning; more energy, increasing my metabolism all day, weight loss, keeping my heart healthy, stress relief, muscle gained, etc. i also love that my kids want to be physically active with me---we hike, bike, swim, play sports, walk, even do Pilate's~TOGETHER! all this to say, i still HATE mornings~but i have found a new LOVE...COFFEE!! (this secret wasn't in the article i read but it is a great way to trick your body into thinking that mornings are O.K.!)
Friday, July 27, 2007
...five months ago today, i said goodbye to my mom for the last time on earth. she told me to grieve and be sad for a short time and then to go on and live my life to the fullest. something forever changed in me that day as i laid my head upon her still chest, the emotions erupted and the tears flooded my soul. the details and raw emotions of the few days leading up to her death are still so fresh and replay in my mind daily. "they" say that depression is "survival mode" and is necessary in order to heal a broken heart. i have never experienced anything like this and am having a difficult time fighting against my own body and spirit--i want to be happy but there are tears, i desire to live fully in the present but i feel trapped in a time capsule, i want to laugh and not waste another day, i long for the fun memories of my mom to play in my head, i need to love my husband and children but instead i crawl into my shell. i have been reading The Shack and crying through many entire chapters--i have never felt so loved by my Father who goes with me on this journey. i would recommend this book to anyone--whether you have been through a traumatic loss of a loved one or not. the emotions and real images of the Trinity that i have been able to experience through this beautifully written story have allowed me to see our pain in this world in a new way. Father began, just two months before my mom died, to develop a new friendship that he knew that i would need. her mother died from cancer when she was very young and she understands every word, every broken dream, every tear. i know that i will begin to live life again, although it will not ever be the same, but for now my loss is painfully real.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
..."Each of us should treasure our special times with Mom/Nana in our
hearts---remember her beautiful smile and bright pink lipstick, her wisdom and
strength, her loyalty, her sense of humor and contagious laugh, her love for and
trust in God through her circumstances, her contentment on this earth, her deep
love for Dad/Pa and her family.
Dad—she loved you completely from the first moment she met you. Thank you for
giving her, “all of your love, all of her life,” for adoring her, for protecting
her dignity, for standing by her side when she needed you the most, for
providing for our family, for allowing us to grieve with you and take care of
you in this season of life. I know your heart is broken but I also know that Mom
would be so proud of your strength and keeping us together as a family. She is
saving you a seat on the bus this time!"..."...we will hope in the resurrection of our King."
today would have been my mom's 58th birthday. i miss her voice, the smell of her perfume, her laughter, her advice--there is a void on this earth that no one can ever fill. today we baked one of her favorite foods, chocolate chip cookies, and will plant a rose bush to remember her beauty.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
the day my heart was broken
...today, the special lady i am proud to call mother, went to spend eternity with her Father in heaven. she was blessed to have her husband and three daughters by her side, holding her hand until the end. we spent the last 12 hours doing everything we could do to ease her pain, we talked, cried, reassured, and we begged our Father to take her into His arms and heal her. there were times when i was struggling to breathe and i will never forget the feeling of my heart breaking into a million pieces. but in the end, as only a true mother would do to spare us from the pain, she waited to take her last breath until we had all drifted off to sleep right there with her. i was honored to have cared for my mom during the last couple months of her fight with cancer as they moved in next door to us--and i would have gladly done it forever! my mom was the best Nana ever and took so much joy in each of her eight grandchildren. she gave me life and so much more--every time i feel sad that our time was too short, i will remember that she gave me more love, support, laughter and memories than most mothers do in a lifetime--a true legacy of love.
my family has endured a considerable amount of grief as we have attended 3 funerals in 5 months. my children, at young ages, have asked painful questions that demand answers and now have the reality of death etched in their memories. the grief experience has been unique to each of us; one wants to hear stories, we all feel a void, one searches for hope that Nana will come back to us, we are fearful and at times feel unsafe, another wishes to be held closely, all eyes are filled with tears at unexpected moments, one is angry and confused, some are anxious about the future. in the last year, my family has dealt with the reality of losing someone we love very suddenly and watching another loved one live every day in pain knowing that death was to come. amidst it all, my Father has been revealing to me what it means to really trust and to be His child in a new way. do trials make us stronger? i think it is bigger than that--it is easy to trust Father when my kids are healthy, when our business is profitable, when i am "happy" and so on. my mother taught me a lot but most importantly she showed me what it really means to trust in our Father and she expects me to pass on this legacy to my children as we all meet in heaven again someday.