the day my heart was broken
...today, the special lady i am proud to call mother, went to spend eternity with her Father in heaven. she was blessed to have her husband and three daughters by her side, holding her hand until the end. we spent the last 12 hours doing everything we could do to ease her pain, we talked, cried, reassured, and we begged our Father to take her into His arms and heal her. there were times when i was struggling to breathe and i will never forget the feeling of my heart breaking into a million pieces. but in the end, as only a true mother would do to spare us from the pain, she waited to take her last breath until we had all drifted off to sleep right there with her. i was honored to have cared for my mom during the last couple months of her fight with cancer as they moved in next door to us--and i would have gladly done it forever! my mom was the best Nana ever and took so much joy in each of her eight grandchildren. she gave me life and so much more--every time i feel sad that our time was too short, i will remember that she gave me more love, support, laughter and memories than most mothers do in a lifetime--a true legacy of love.
my family has endured a considerable amount of grief as we have attended 3 funerals in 5 months. my children, at young ages, have asked painful questions that demand answers and now have the reality of death etched in their memories. the grief experience has been unique to each of us; one wants to hear stories, we all feel a void, one searches for hope that Nana will come back to us, we are fearful and at times feel unsafe, another wishes to be held closely, all eyes are filled with tears at unexpected moments, one is angry and confused, some are anxious about the future. in the last year, my family has dealt with the reality of losing someone we love very suddenly and watching another loved one live every day in pain knowing that death was to come. amidst it all, my Father has been revealing to me what it means to really trust and to be His child in a new way. do trials make us stronger? i think it is bigger than that--it is easy to trust Father when my kids are healthy, when our business is profitable, when i am "happy" and so on. my mother taught me a lot but most importantly she showed me what it really means to trust in our Father and she expects me to pass on this legacy to my children as we all meet in heaven again someday.
posted by Tera @ 6:30 AM
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