7 weeks and "whiny"
...i went to 2 doctors today and contrary to the story you'd hear if you knew my mother (who thinks i'm dying), everything is great with the baby! i could use prayers for some energy or maybe i should say rest. i am tired, restless and "whiny"--i know it is bad because my 4 year old makes fun of me! i have had to let so many things go the last few weeks and it is hard for me not to be organized and CLEAN! i'm done complaining, mostly because i have 7 weeks and it is only going to get harder!!
proud mommy story...i was inside a bank waiting in line today with my 2 boys, they started to make each other laugh as they often do, i was just about to tell them to quiet down when i overheard the lady in front of me say to another guy in line, "those brothers sure do like each other". i realized that they remind every one around them with their contagious laughter, that life can be fun! :) i want to be a child again because they laugh harder than we allow ourselves to.
poker & a movie
...last night was poker night at my house, correction in my garage. when we moved in this house we painted the garage floor, built cabinets for storage, built a counter top for potlucks, bought 30 chairs & 2 drink dispensers and the garage became the house church room. now, almost exactly 3 years later, the garage has become the "poker room"! i think our intentions for the garage have finally become His intentions and there is more church happening at the once a month poker night than in all our house church meetings! i say that because we finally have pagans among us! our monday night meeting has changed too, we never sit in a circle of chairs, we don't have potlucks but do eat together, and the garage is no longer home to our family who join us! i know your probably wondering if poker night is a co-ed event, no i wasn't invited, i didn't even offer healthy snacks or go around the table coughing and putting out the cigars. i did watch "The Life of David Gale" with a couple of girlfriends while our children laughed, pretended & read together all night! the movie was good, one you just can't stop watching--like a good book that you can't wait to get to the end of! here's a quote from David Gale as he sits on death row...
"we spend our lives trying to stop death; eating, inventing, loving, praying, fighting, killing, but what do we really know about death...just that nobody comes back. But there comes a point in life, a moment, when your mind out lives it desires, it's obsessions and your habits survive your dreams and when your losses----maybe death is a gift, you wonder."
"The Life of David Gale"
i wondered (with a little more hope of a heaven than David Gale) why when my sister took her 3 year old daughter, kyla, to see her dying great-grandfather, the only thing she had to say to him was to say "hi" to Jesus when he gets to heaven. she was not afraid, she didn't question why he has to die. why when we "grow up" do we start fighting death? as kyla would say, "it is taking for to long to get to heaven". i know death is a gift and i desire to see it through the eyes of the children around me.
target
...i love it and i hate it! i "needed" a 4 year old birthday present & aloe vera for my sun burn, $70 later we left. andy & the boys went with me last night which although very unusual, explains everything! as we were getting in the suburban to go home clay said that we should take daddy every time! i quickly objected. as i was searching for the aloe vera the boys were sitting in the two seater shopping cart but they could see andy looking for something serveral aisles away. they began to yell out things like, "andy, what are you doing?" & "daddy, come on!". when i finished my search and all of target knew that some guy named andy was taking a long time getting whatever it was he needed, i opened my mouth to ask a stupid question that i regretted before it even came out..."andy, what are you looking for?". as he started to walk calmly toward us he held up in the air whatever he had decided to purchase and then yelled out, "i found the hemmroid cream!"
my big ham
...clay has been taking a drama class at the reed whipple cultural center this summer. he was born an actor, we tried sports and he's a good team player but has more fun making the kids and the coach laugh than playing the game! so i decided to let him have some fun with his God-given skills and now i've created a cocky actor. all that has been accomplished is that he knows the appropriate theater terms when he is performing for us! i was hoping that saga could create a part for him to express some of this energy?? he had a joke on a popsicle stick today that said, "why did the pig become an actor--because he was a big ham"!
8 weeks to go!
...today i went to my perinatologist (high risk pregnancy dr) and it was all good news!! my blood pressure medication is still working to keep my bp down and our baby girl is growing, she is 4 lbs 2 oz, which is about the 50th percentile for babies at 31 weeks. the not so fun part begins...i have to go once a week for 1/2 an hour for the rest of my pregnancy to monitor me & the baby-i also will continue to see 2 different dr's twice a month (too many copays if you ask me!). i feel so unprepared for this baby and 8 weeks sounds like so little time--but we almost have all the boy stuff out of her room so i guess that's progress! i was going to grip that andy has lost 12 lbs in the last couple of weeks, although i do think it is very insensitive to do when your wife is gaining by the day and it is half your fault, i then realized that in just 8 weeks i will experience instant weight loss in one day! i need to go rest now because i went shopping with lisa & stacey tonight and can't keep up with them anymore--i found myself wanting one of those handicapped carts to ride on. 8 more weeks and i'm complaining already-yikes!
here's why you should have 3 kids too...
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."
~Erma Bombeck
monsoons & memories
...last night i was awakened by the thundering sound of a storm. i love stormy nights and the refreshing smell of the rain. i wasn't even angry that i was missing out on much needed sleep time but found myself still and calm in the midst of the storm going on outside my window. i remembered growing up in phoenix where we experienced many monsoon storms. i remembered a friend in elementary school who unfortunately was born on a "stormy" night and so her mother named her stormy?? (her mom's name was bunny so i guess it wasn't that bad). i watched andy lay still in our bed except for every time the thunder would crash and i remembered when were dating, he lived at home with his mom & grandma, and they were all afraid of the storms--this was the scene...unplug all electronics, phones and wait in a safe place, shaking under a blanket, for the big tree in the front yard to be struck down by a big bolt of lightening. (for those of you who really know andy, or have at least been to a scary movie with him, understand that i'm not making fun of him, he just tends to be a "little" jumpier than the next guy!) i reflected on the way our boys feel the peace of the storms, in their childish ways i believe they feel the presence of Jesus and they just simply rest. i reflected on how i am calm when the storm is outside of my window but am terrified when there are real "storms". then as i lay still and quiet i heard God speak to me through every sound of crashing thunder--"remember I am here, I am powerful, I am not quiet, be still and hear Me, I will be your calm in the midst of the storms of life." i fell fast asleep in His arms.
memo to myself
...clay expresses it best as he watches my parents, sister & niece drive out of our driveway on their way back home to phoenix...he took a dramatic sigh and said, " now it's just me and you mom". andy just returned from a 4 day fishing trip and our 4 guests have been staying with me & the boys for 3 of those days, so this is my first peace & quiet all week. the boys are napping and i am exhausted. spending time with my sister was great, she is my best friend and we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like to. andy is the plumber in our family so of course as soon as he is out of town my toilet starts making bubbling noises and over flows on our carpeted bathroom! my dad is not "mr fix it" but was very helpful over the next 6 hours that it took to fix the problem (with the help of his plumber friend in az). my sister and i spent the rest of the day cleaning up the damage-yeah! ok we did take a break to watch "just married" and it was pretty funny, we needed a good laugh. i am so happy to have my husband back! :) memo to myself: 1) know where the clean out and the main water shut off to the house are located at, 2) don't invite 4 guests into your house when you already have high blood pressure!
ANXIETY
...today doug asked me when i was going to blog again and i gave him the same excuse i've been giving myself for weeks. i answered truthfully that i've been working hard to potty train my 2 year old, damon, but now that he has succeeded in keeping his "chonies" dry....i sat down to blog and realized that if i was completely honest with myself (& my blog readers), something was still holding me back from writing. i have so many things to be happy about...damon is potty trained 2 1/2 months before we add a third child & more diapers to our family, i have a kind a gentle husband that puts up with my 3rd trimester hormones, my children make me laugh everyday, our daughter is growing inside her mommy's womb instead of fighting for each breath in a hospital nursery-every day i thank God for protecting her! the truth is that i'm having trouble staying focused on the happy stuff and i really have to let my guard down to write about anything else because i've always been a happy person(vs depressive) but i have to admit that i do struggle having faith in the unknown, aka anxiety! it is unknown if my husband will still be employed at the end of this month--i worry how this will affect him because he has put so much time and energy into making the business succeed. it is unknown how God will provide for our growing family financially--i worry that we will not have enough $$ to pay our bills each month. it is unknown if our baby girl will be able to grow safely in my womb to full term because the pregnancy has caused my blood pressure to rise very early on--i worry that all this stress will cause my health to worsen and at the same time i feel such a great responsibility to protect her inside of me. i feel as if i need to keep up an act for my family that i have faith no matter what the circumstances when really i know i need to seek & trust God more than i am. looking back at what i just wrote, this would be my prayer--please God hear my cry for help and protection for my family, take all of these unknowns from me and complete your will in me so that i would learn to trust completely in you. amen
